Have you ever wondered why old feelings and thoughts suddenly become intense when going through a significant change in life? It's like they're shouting at us again and making a mess all over one more time.
Life transitions (any transition) can bring up old patterns of thinking, emotions, and feelings that we thought were gone/matured/evolved. At first, it might be surprising or confusing that these old feelings are back. The reason is that the new circumstances trigger them, and we find ourselves emotionally struggling. However, even though these feelings may seem old, they are here again, and as life transitions demand a new way of being, perhaps the old thoughts/feelings are also calling us to see them from a different perspective. Remember, life is a constant beginning and ending of cycles.
Imagine you immigrating to another country as an example, but it could be any significant life change, like starting a family or the death of some loved one. Let's say you used to struggle with insecurity, and building relationships when you were younger was highly challenging. After working on yourself and caring about yourself, you feel better about how you build relationships. Life goes on, and you decide to move to a new country. Your process of adapting to a new culture and new life brings you many different challenges. Those new situations in your new life are challenging your sense of security; in some way, they will trigger your feelings of insecurity. And yeah, the yucky old feeling of insecurity is knocking on the door again.
Life transitions become like triggers that open doors to our past. Old feelings resurface, and may seek comfort or control during these times. They might represent needs or parts of our identity that we haven't addressed yet. So, as much as the feelings can be so painful, I like to have a more profound sigh and think that it is another fantastic opportunity in life for self-reflection and personal growth.
When old feelings come back, it can be a chance to explore any unresolved issues with yourself. They could be unmet needs or aspirations wanting acknowledgement in your present life. This self-exploration helps us recognise patterns and allows us to thrive.
The return of old feelings isn't necessarily a step backwards. No, we're not regressing! It could be a conversation between our past and our evolving self. Acknowledging these feelings becomes a bridge connecting your history to who you are becoming.
Dealing with these revived feelings might feel uncomfortable as they challenge the story we've told ourselves about who we are. However, these twists and turns during life transitions can lead to profound and beautiful self-discovery.
Inspiration:
Humanistic psychology, exemplified by authors like Carl Rogers and Viktor E. Frankl, underscores the importance of self-exploration, authenticity, and finding meaning in personal growth, complemented by insights from my own journey, attachment theory and narrative therapy.
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